Crap Day

In total contrast to yesterday's post.....

It's a long way to fall from Cloud 9.

I've been on such a high lately that I've felt bullet proof. Well, today I found out that I'm not Xena the Warrior Princess and can't deflect everything.

Ever had one of those days where you are bombarded from every direction and each time you are, the pain increases exponentially?

Work has been really demanding recently and I'm exhausted so my force-field wasn't working so well today. I HATE people picking on anyone or anything whose care I am entrusted- be it my staff, my family etc. etc. and I detest incompetence and indifference.

Guess what? Yep, got them all in mega doses today.

Arrogant people who are so obviously perfect, picking on my staff and making them miserable. Don't mess with my guys I'm telling you.

Of course when one area of your life is bombarding you it's only natural that all others should follow. Came home tonight and find rubbish all over my front yard from 2 naughty pups who obviously weren't being supervised by dd. Didn't even get in the house and I was picking up. When I got inside it was even worse. DD has had a lovely time being on her own and leaving dishes in the sink, tissues in odd places and clothes on the floor in the toilet (I am completely at a loss to explain that one!). Walk into the backyard to a repeat of the front and just turned around and came inside in disgust. I think it's lucky dd wasn't home.

On the other side of that there was a message on the whiteboard from dd to say that she NEEDS to lose 8 kilos and has gone to the gym. For those of you who know dd, she is a size 8 - 10 and does not need to lose weight. It frustrates me that anyone makes her feel that way.

Of course, my bank gave me the total shits today with their excuses and total indifference to how their incompetence is impacting on my life grrrrrrrrr!!!!!! Did I mention I HATE banks?

Worse than all of this put together is a misunderstanding that hurt someone I love. Not anything major in the scheme of things but I HATE hurting people and was so distracted by everything else that was going on I didn't think. I know I'll be forgiven but I'm so shitty with myself for it all.

OK, that's it - enough of a whinge... tomorrow is a new day and I'll just start again.
TFL

Live with intention - Play with abandon

The past few months have been life-changing for me. Not really in any way that is overtly noticeable but with the entry of both of my babies into adulthood my reality was different. I decided to embrace this new reality and make it positive.

I am, by nature, a Virgo and all that implies. I am typically harder on myself than anyone else ever could be and my 'failures' in life - particularly where relationships are concerned, see me overly analytical about everything and full of self doubt and questioning.

Late last year, I decided that this was going to be a part of my character that I would work hard to overcome. It is not particularly productive and consumes a large amount of energy that could be better spent enjoying life. Of course, I have responsibilites - big ones - both professionally and personally. I have been called a contol freak now and then (most poignantly by Marc) and I have to admit that it was an accurate description of me.

So, I've been working on it and am feeling much more liberated in my approach to many aspects of my life.

To my delight someone has entered my life at exactly the right moment to allow me to put into practice some of my new-found freedom of expression. Refusing to be bound by societal expectations and rules, I have allowed my heart free reign and have a wonderful relationship with an equally wonderful man in a relatively short space of time (yes, that would be Alex :)).

Was it easy letting go of all the restraints I would normally apply - just in case? No way! It was torture. BUT, when I did the rush was amazing! AND what I have now is incredible.

Now, here's the thing. Most of my friends are delighted that I am so happy. Some of them have expressed concern that I might get hurt but accept that I am in love and happy to indulge my new "extraordinary moments" philosophy over the old "be safe and wait and see" one. Unfortunately, a couple of them are incredibly negative and can only denigrate how I feel and the way in which I met Alex (internet).

Well, guess what I'm saying? Get over it. I think it's sad that some people have no capacity for joy. Give it a go. Abandon the 'rules' for love and imagine the possibilities. I jumped in and have said and done things I NEVER would have previously. I may have thought about it and wanted to but convention restrained me. I do not feel inferior in any way for recognising that I madly love this man so early in our relationship. I don't give a fat rat's that others feel it is too soon.

Bottom line is that I'd rather live absolute bliss for a short time than safe mediocrity for a bit longer. Reality is that if it ends, it will be painful. I'm a big girl, I've managed to lose a home, raise two children, live all over Victoria without a support network so that I could afford to keep my family together and finally buy my own home again. I told Alex that I couldn't say I'd had my heart broken before and I think that's true but I have had my spirit destroyed and managed to survive. If this relationship doesn't work out it is my pain.

So, be happy that I'm happy.

Underestimating the Princess

We never really know what we are capable of until we try and it seems I underestimated my baby girls ability to cope in the feral environment so fondly known as camping.

Due to work and social schedules, we hadn't really had much of a chance to catch up about her adventure but she crawled into bed with me last night and we chatted for a couple of hours.

Listening to her stories made me laugh. She had a ball and actually wants to repeat the experience (although I'm sure I heard mention of a hotel/motel next time LOL).

As the family expert, she now shares her knowledge that it is completely unnecessary to take 3 changes of clothes per day when you travel to Echuca in the summer. Apparently you can just live in your bikini. Food isn't a problem either. Just become a carnivore for a few days and eat meat straight off the barbie. If you really want some variety, jump in the car and head into town for some Macca's.

She's definitely braver than I am. Camping does not, and will not feature on my list of 'things to do'. Even with her advice, I can't see myself wandering around a resort town in a bikini (read OMG) and even though I don't regularly eat veggies, I think barbie food or Macca's for a week would be a bit beyond my delicate constitution.

Go Courtney! You are a champion...LOL

The Princess Goes Camping

Darling daughter Courtney has often been described (especially by her friends) as a princess. Not because of the poise and grace one would associate with royalty but because she hates getting dirty, wears at least 3 sets of clothes a day, will not help in the garden because you sweat......you get the picture.

Last weekend, she decided to toddle off to Echuca to go camping with 4 of her princess friends. Yes, indeedy, I said CAMPING. "My princess roughing it" I chuckled to myself. Remember, this is a girl who had the trip of a lifetime for a month to the US and, after 4 days in a HOTEL, wanted to come home to her own bathroom. Now, not being one to discourage my children in any pursuit they choose to explore, I tried to be supportive.

Advice on what to take was beyond me as I have never explored the pasttime of camping (hear NO WAY on God's green earth) but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have considered my hair straightener, mobile phone charger and toaster as absolute necessities - but what do I know.

When I asked where she would plug these items in, she sighed and explained that they had a powered sight. Common sense dictated to me that for safety reasons, the outlet would probably be fairly high and I had visions of her holding the toaster above her head waiting for toast - again, you get the picture.

As she continued to pack for the big event my amusement increased with the size of the suitcase she was taking. I didn't know you even took suitcases camping. Must take at least 3 changes of clothes for everyday because we might get wet or dirty LOL. Now if it was me, I would have taken jeans, shorts, track pants - you know, casual stuff and, heaven forbid, washable. I just couldn't see where a slinky beaded top was going to be of any use at all.

Then came the bedding. It was extrememly hard to supress my laughter as she decided the foam camp mattress and sleeping bag was not going to do so she removed the double mattress off the sofa bed and rolled it up to take up most of the room in the back of her car. Add fitted sheets, pink fluffy blanket and a doona and the bedding was taken care of.

Once the other essentials were packed (make-up, perfume, aeroguard) she was off for a week camping in Echuca.

Just after she arrived I received a call...oops forgot the eski, camp table and the extension cord to plug in said toaster - looks like she would be holding it above her head after all. Doesn't matter she'll rough it she says. "Mum," she says. "There are flies everywhere when we cook" hmmmmmmmmmmm........."Really," I say "that's no good at all" chuckle, snort, chortle

She's rung a few times "just to say hello" (I'm thinking someone's missing her mum - and possibly the comforts of home) but says she's having a great time. She was supposed to stay until Sunday but guess what? She's on her way home now. Something about driving in the cool of the day - errr.... it's actually 38degrees celcius here atm).

I can't wait to hear all about her adventure. She didn't take a camera (not a scrapper's daughter - goodness) but I'm sure her tales will make for good imagining.

Wait for the update LOL

My Baby Boy

The thing about having only 2 children and a pigeon pair is that I always have my baby boy and my baby girl.

Despite turning 20 soon -on Anzac Day, Marc will always be my baby boy and I don't think I'll ever lose that motherly instinct, love and pride that you can only have for you own children and their achievements no matter how small or insignificant to others.

Marc was always above average as he was growing up but not really in the ways we stereotypically measure. Despite a huge IQ near 150, he did not achieve well at school. He was a terrible student because he was lazy and everything was so easy for him and, to my utter despair, left school barely out of Year 10. Intelligence and commonsense were definitely not co-habitating in his head. Since leaving school he has been unemployed more often than not. When he got a good job last year, I was so pleased for him and finally thought he had found some direction. When he lost his job just before Christmas, my heart sank.

We've been talking recently about what he wants for his future. Not in a "I am your mother and I know what's best way" (although, of course I do know best) but concentrating on what he wants to achieve and how he thinks he can do it. This morning he sms'd me a few times. Obviously excited that he had found a new job. I'm pretty proud of him right at this moment but not for the reasons you might think.

When our children are young, we dream a future for them and mine included education and excellence. Marc didn't share my dream as it turned out and this caused no end of stress in our household I can tell you.

I've revised my dreams for Marc. They are far less involved and complicated.

I adore my baby boy and want him to lead a productive and happy life. Success will be measured by his own dreams.

I'm proud of him because of the person he is. He is, and always has been, a nice person. I remember when the other boys were being cool and aloof but Marc would run up to me after school and hug and kiss me, even in his adolescent years he would unashamedly give his nana a big hug and kiss.

Even though his eagerness to help people who are less fortunate than he is (particularly in the family support sense) have seen him with a crowd that I am less than pleased about, I understand why and I love him all the more for it.

I'm happy that he still shares his achievements, large and small, with me because he knows his mum will be as excited for him as he is for himself.

He's still my baby boy.

Jam or Jelly

This is a disgusting photo of me, I know. It's relevance relates to the title of this post. Can you guess where I am having jam on toast for brekky?

Anyway, Alex has my blog address now and knows all there is to know about me (he has suggested contacting some of my friends for more info- particularly of the embarassing kind- but I know they wouldn't do that to me....would you guys?).

Add one brownie point - he likes raspberry jam too and just happened to have some in his very sparse bachelor pantry (hmmm, I wonder what my excuse is for a lean pantry?).

He pointed the jam out because one of the tag questions on this blog is about Jam or Jelly. Now I differentiate between the two because, of course they are very different but Americans (as Alex is) call jam - jelly and he asked me what our jelly would be the equivalent to.

Now here's my dilemma, I have no idea. So, if any of you clever bloggers have experienced this culinary delight while travelling the USA, please enlighten me.

...I always wondered why (and how) you would put jelly on a peanut butter sandwich...the how makes sense now but I'm still asking myself why on earth would you mix jam and peanut butter - YUK!

Magic Night

Last night was probably the most amazing of my life. No more detail than that :)

I think I live too high...

Went out for another wonderful night with Alex last night...who knew life could still be so much fun.
We were sitting chatting when he mentioned that he thought he lived too high (remember he's on the 55th floor) because he was looking DOWN at a helicopter flying past. Now, those of you who saw Raylene's comment to my recent entry with photos will remember her "does he live in a helicopter?" question. His comment really made me laugh and I had to explain.

He's a bit curious about this blog but as it's mostly a girly kind of 'keep in touch' kind of thing and touches on lots of 'chick' topics, I don't know about giving it to him. Might have to start up another one. I mean really, I'm sure he doesn't need to read some of the answers to recent tags *cringe* LOL

OK Tagged Again

Bloody Jodii!!!!!! Now don't keep tagging me 'cause I'm not spending my days filling out these (even though they are fun) 'cause I've got other things to occupy me these days....LOL
Four jobs you’ve had in your life:
Target: Where I started my working life. Part-time for about 3 years. I loved it.
State/Commonwealth Bank: Where I began my full-time working life. Loved serving the customers, hated the politics and sexist discrimination back then. 7 years
Primary School Teacher: My true passion. 7 years. Only left because Jeff Kennett had banned all new permanent employment when I graduated and I was always on a contract. Made getting a housing loan really hard so joined.......
Metropolitan Ambulance Service: Where I've been for 8 years and work as an ALS paramedic and am a Team Manager of the busiest 24 hour branch North/West of the Yarra.
Four movies you would watch over and over:
Dirty Dancing – who wouldn't want to watch Patrick Swayze.
While You Were Sleeping - I'm a big fan of Sandra Bullock and I LOVE Bill Pulman. I love the romance of it and the way he looks at her *sigh*
Sweet Home Alabama: Another gorgeous leading man with those eyes.
Miracle on 34th Street: A movie I have watched every Christmas for as long as I can remember
Four places you have lived:
Have always lived in Victoria.
North Fitzroy: Where I have most of my young childhood memories.
Broadmeadows/Gladstone Park area: Until I got married.
Seymour: Heaps more suburban addresses in between until I moved to Seymour to teach at the Puckapunyal army base.
Cowes: Once again to teach and then back to Melb until I bought my house here in sunny Wallan.
Four TV shows you love to watch:
This is a bit tough as I don't watch that much TV.......
CSI - All of them except for the New York one.
NCIS - My favourite.
House - Gotta love him.
McLeod's Daughters - Although, I haven't seen a country town with that many gorgeous men and women but I love it.

Four places you have been on vacation:
New Zealand : At 19 yo - what a blast.
Queensland : Several times as ex was keen on it. I'm not so keen but love Sea and Dream Worlds
Paradise Beach: Childhood holiday home that has wonderful memories. All brought back by a couple of recent visits thanks to a wonderful friend.
USA: Sept 2004. Awesome. Will go back for sure (without the restrictions of a city loving 17yo though).
Four websites you visit daily:
Friends Blogs: I'm a natural stickybeak and find it is a great way to keep up with people's lives.
Bank: Just checking my balance
2 Peas: I love it for inspiration.
Scrap Stash: To check on orders etc
Four of your favorite foods:
I was just saying last night that if they would invent a pill to replace the necessity to eat, I'd be happy. However...
Chocolate, Chocolate, Chocolate, Chocolate....only kidding but I do like chocolate.
Chicken- yummo
Beef in Black Bean (No garlic or MSG and only broccoli as a veg) with steamed rice.
Sponge cake with cream - Especially if the cake is made with custard powder instead of flour.
Four places you would rather be right now:
Ah this is a no-brainer
With Alex.
In Italy - one day it will happen.
On a massage table having the best massage in a serene, tropical paradise.
Scrapping.

OK that's it and I'm not tagging anyone LOL

Taphophobia

Remember 'P' in the tag - Phobias? I mentioned the fear of being buried alive...well, apparently it's called taphophobia or a variation of it (depends on which site you check). There you go, a little more to add to you book of useless information LOL

Tag Fun

A is for age: 42
B is for booze of choice: I don't drink alcohol. I did when I was 19. First time ever. Had 5 tequila sunrises in an hour yummo.....was new years eve and walked down the street kissing every man in the street for NY, got home and wondered why the room was spinning. Killer was going to a Cold Chisel concert at the Myer Music Bowl the next day and sitting right near the speakers...OMG I swore I'd never drink again and I haven't LOL
C is for career: Now, I've had a few of these. Started off in a Bank for 7 years. The went to uni and became a primary school teacher. Did that for 7 years (spotting a trend are you?) Then uni again and am now a Team Manager and ALS Paramedic (8 whole years). Thinking it's time to get ready for another change.
D is for your dad’s name: My dear dad's name was Terry
E is for essential items to bring to a party: The present.
F is for favorite song at the moment: I love music and like lots of songs but there is one by Craig David on my dd's CD in the car that I love. Can't read the CD cover while I'm driving so don't know the name of it.
G is for favorite game: To play????? Don't know. To watch....gotta be Basketball.
H is for hometown: Currently, Wallan about 50kms North of Melbourne.
I is for instruments you play: It doesn't say you have to play them well so I can play the guitar and the piano a bit.
J is for jam or jelly you like: Loooove raspberry or orange (actually I mix orange and pineapple yummmmm) jelly and Blackberry jam
K is for kids: 2. Marc who will be 20 in April and Courtney who is 18 going on 35
L is for living arrangements: With Courtney, 3 cats and 2 dogs
M is for mum’s name: Dear mum's name is Phyllis.
N is for name of your crush: In school, Alan Barrassi - Nephew of football great Ron. He was a cutie. I think we even kissed .
O is for overnight hospital stays: Several. Earliest when I was about 4 or 5 and they were feeding me penicillin for something and I got really sick. Admitted me to hospital and kept feeding me penicillin until they realised that was what the problem was. Next when I was 20 to have my wisdom teeth out. Idiot surgeon sewed my gum to my cheek and I was in agony. Next when I had my kids. I hate hospital btw.
P is for phobias: Claustrophobia. I HATE confined spaces and having my arms trapped. I also have an insane fear of being buried alive. I wonder what that's called.
Q is for quotes you like:– If you love something set it free. If it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was. Oh and....... A smile costs nothing.... that's really a poem but...
R is for relationship that lasted the longest: If we're talking friendship then I have been friends with Tania for 32 years!!!!! Unfortunately the romantic side of life hasn't been quite so successful with a 5 year marriage my claim to fame.
S is for sexual preference: Hmmmm, I've forgotten what this is...only kidding....male.
T is for Texture: Well actually, there wasn't a T in the original tag so I made it up LOL. My favourite texture in food is belgian chocolate melting in my mouth yummmmm. To touch, well that would be baby's skin.
U is for underwear: Gotta be cotton. Can't stand that horrible synthetic rubbish. And what is it with G strings. The permanent wedgie....gross!
V is for vegetable you love: LOL...this is a joke right? People actually LOVE veggies????? I don't think so. I don't eat them. Well, that's not entirely true. I eat potatoes yum....and I will tolerate broccoli only because it is the most nutritious and I figure if I have to eat one, I'm going to get value.
W is for the wildest thing you've ever done : Now this wasn't in the original tag either (has the alphabet shrunk???) but...abseiling forwards down a cliff was awesome. I loved that. Oh and paragliding in QLD.
X is for x-rays you’ve had: Actually had one yesterday morning on my neck and back post back injury at work on Sunday.
Y is for yummy food you make: There had to be a catch..."make."...hmmm...that would be cheesecake. It doesn't happen very often though.
Z is for zodiac sign: Typical Virgo.
I TAG Elisa

Good News!

You might remember my earlier post about becoming a volunteer for the upcoming Commonwealth Games and my concern that I may not be able to get my holidays swapped. Well, a lovely colleague has deferred his holidays so I can go to the Games. Gee there are some wonderful people around. MAS has accepted the plan so I am free to go. I got my roster today and will be working for most of the month from Feb 28th through 'til the end of March. It will certainly be an experience. Pity I'm not allowed to take my camera to capture those scrapworthy moments.

Now, about my friend Alex, don't go reading too much into that LOL. ATM we are becoming good friends. For Mette, no, he isn't work related, I met him on the net. He's not a doctor either so that clairvoyant had her wires crossed LOL.

I was going to give him my blog addy but I better not now ROFL.

Great Night

You know how you meet someone and things are just ...I don't know....easy, like you're supposed to be there. Well that's how I feel about a new friend I have - Alex. We had a great dinner at Southbank and then he happily wandered with me for a while to indulge my desire to take photos of our gorgeous city at night. His company is an absolute pleasure.

These shots are from his apartment balcony. It is the most awsome view I've seen. I had a ball taking them and if I said "phenomenal" to him once, I think I said it twenty times. I'm pretty sure he realises how cool I think his home is LOL.

I had an awesome night!

Habits

Every year for the past 6 years I've made the same NY Resolution - 'this will be the year - I will lose the weight I want'. Guess what! It doesn't happen (although I had a good go at it last year on Cohen's and I actually lost 10kg in 6 weeks. Funny how it all came back over the next 6 months *sigh*).

This year I've decided no resolutions. No, goals that offer a conclusive end that I won't reach.

I was reading Kerrin Quall's BLOG today and I love her concept and am going to adopt it for myself. I'm going to form new HABITS.

New organisational habits like cleaning up my scrapping mess after each session. Ironing my clothes as soon as I get them off the line. That sort of stuff.

Healthy lifestyle habits. For a start I will try 15mins of exercise every single day.....that's achievable...right? Of course it is.

Kerrin says it takes 21 days for a behaviour to become a habit. So, each 21 days I'll add a new one that will improve my life to where I want it to be.

When I achieve this my NY resolutions that I would have made will be taken care of and I'll have an organised and healthy lifestyle as a bonus.

Wish me luck.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year everyone. I hope 2006 is all you wish for.

Thankfully, the weather has cooled down and I can function again. It reached 46 degrees where I live and we lost power for most of the day so there was no respite at all.

I've attached my first LO for the year. This is Bella, the newest addition to our family. We didn't want to replace Lily simply because she was irreplaceable but poor Zak was soooo lonely and when we thought about why we got 2 in the first place we realised we would have to get him a companion. Fortunately, there were still 2 pups left in the litter so Bella is Lily and Zak's sister. She has settled in beautifully and is a welcome member of our family.

I'm pretty excited about a couple of events in 2006. Firstly, there's the Commonwealth Games. I applied to be a volunteer and was accepted on stand-by but have since been given a position. My official title is Arrival and Departure's Assistant. It has something to do with the Games Family hotel but I don't know exactly what it will entail yet. Hopefully, MAS will allow me the time off to participate. I'll be very upset if they don't.

The other thing is a photography short course I'm doing at the Melbourne Camera Club. I really would like to do a 4 year part time course at the Photography Studies College but my shift work makes it impossible - especially night shift. So, this is the next best thing. I'm really aiming to significantly improve my photography this year.

As Marc and Courtney are both adults now and, for the most part, independent, I'm looking forward to much more freedom and a few new experiences I hope.

Hoping you are all as excited about the possibilites 2006 hold as well
Cheers
Pam