Easier said than done...
If you're not up for a introspective then move on now :)
Ok...remember recently I said my reality had changed and I was living a new philosophy on life?
It all sounds really good when I say or write it but I never imagined how hard it would be to let go of old habits/barriers.
Thing is the new philosophy really isn't so new, it's just how I've always wanted to be but never had the courage. As I've...ah...matured (that's a nice word for it), I've lost so many of the obstacles I erected for myself as protection and it has been great. Sharing my thoughts and feelings on some topics though has not been so easy.
When I told Alex I loved him, I did so before he had said anything to me. Now that might not sound anything special but for me....it was a HUGE first and a gamble I found absolutely torturous. Thank God his reaction was so positive and he says he loves me too.
I thought that getting that out was pretty liberating and that everything else would come easily. How wrong was I? I am naturally introspective. I mostly analyse everything before I speak (well except when I'm yelling at my kids of course) and have always chosen not to share the thought processes I go through for fear of an unnecessary negative reaction before the "process" was complete. I'm finding that pretty hard to overcome at the moment. However, I'm working on it and I think my physical exhaustion is hampering my efforts by eroding my confidence.
Alex is away for 10 days or so (see a very sad face from me here) and I'm already missing him madly. I think I might try and use the time to recharge a bit and see if it helps me. If not, I'll be looking for wisdom from all you blogger gurus :)
Ok...remember recently I said my reality had changed and I was living a new philosophy on life?
It all sounds really good when I say or write it but I never imagined how hard it would be to let go of old habits/barriers.
Thing is the new philosophy really isn't so new, it's just how I've always wanted to be but never had the courage. As I've...ah...matured (that's a nice word for it), I've lost so many of the obstacles I erected for myself as protection and it has been great. Sharing my thoughts and feelings on some topics though has not been so easy.
When I told Alex I loved him, I did so before he had said anything to me. Now that might not sound anything special but for me....it was a HUGE first and a gamble I found absolutely torturous. Thank God his reaction was so positive and he says he loves me too.
I thought that getting that out was pretty liberating and that everything else would come easily. How wrong was I? I am naturally introspective. I mostly analyse everything before I speak (well except when I'm yelling at my kids of course) and have always chosen not to share the thought processes I go through for fear of an unnecessary negative reaction before the "process" was complete. I'm finding that pretty hard to overcome at the moment. However, I'm working on it and I think my physical exhaustion is hampering my efforts by eroding my confidence.
Alex is away for 10 days or so (see a very sad face from me here) and I'm already missing him madly. I think I might try and use the time to recharge a bit and see if it helps me. If not, I'll be looking for wisdom from all you blogger gurus :)
posted by Pam at 8:51 PM
3 Comments:
This is huge news Pam and I am so happy for you, rest up and enjoy the "you" time....
Go Pam Go Pam, i am sure as with everything else in your life when you want something you go after it. Spend the time not being so hard on yourself and the rest will come easily
What wonderful news Pam, well done for being the first to put your feeling out there,even better news Alex feels the same way, and of course he would as your a wonderful person. This will be a tough time for your emotions while he is away, be strong and count the days for your loved one's return. It must make you feel like forever while he is away when your so happy and inlove, Im very happy and very excited for you Pam.
Glad to see from your blog your so happy Pam. xxx
Lisa
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